This is the most random post because I am waiting to download my newest pics from Christmas onto my computer. I am a wealth of totally useless knowledge and observations and I thought that I would share. By the way, these are genuine thoughts that I ponder time to time...sad, but true...here goes...
- Have you ever noticed that gang members have the coolest writing when they put graffiti on the underpasses? It is my theory that they use to be cheerleaders and that they were so ridiculed, that they threw themselves straight into "gangdom" where their "puffy" letters would be appreciated on a slab of concrete instead of a useless piece of white butcher paper that the football players will destroy anyway. That, or it is a class that they have to take upon initiation...Gangsta' Penmanship 101.
- I am from Texas, born and raised, yet I do not do/have/own the following: ride a horse, own a pair of spurs, have a ten gallon hat, chew tobacco or stew possum. I do, however, use the words y'all, fixin' to and dangit.
- Have you ever noticed that when they interview people on t.v. after some unfortunate incident, that they find the most ignorant, illiterate, gramatically incorrect person within 20 miles of the scene? Also, they have only 3 teeth and 2 of them are hanging by a nerve.
- Has anyone else noticed that, to be on the news, if you are a woman, you have to look like Cindy Crawford? What happened to all of the homely reporters. I just can't take "Cindy" seriously...her hair is too poofy and her lips are too shiny! It is like a deer in headlights...I can't look away, but I am oblivious to everything around me.
- Why is it that toy manufacturers feel that they have to package children's toys so that it is harder to get open than breaking out of Fort Knox? Why? Are they trying to make parents look like complete monkeys? That plastic must be made out of some mutated form of titanium...and what is up with the 423 twist ties? I think that they actually spend more money on the packaging than the toy itself. Merry Christmas kids...go grab the butcher knife, or better yet, a chainsaw to get your booty!
- On the same note...who invented the plastic that goes on CD & DVDs? It is worse that Saran Wrap! Don't even get me started on Saran Wrap...I could go on for hours. All I will say is that I have wrestled more Saran Wrap than I care to admit.
- Thongs. Okay ladies, I know that this is debatable, but I just have to say this...I spend a good portions of my day digging my drawers out of that crevice, and I don't want something up there permanently. Well, I only dig when noone is watching. I do the funny little booty shake where you kind of throw one hip out, tighten your cheek and dip and keep on going like noone knows what is going on down there. It is amazing how that works...anyway, no thongs here except the ones betwixt my toes.
- Along the lines of fashion...let me go ahead a preface this with the fact that I am no fashionista. I have spent the last several years with a uniform of food encrusted tee shirt, workout capris and either Crocs or Teva flip flops (complete with pony tail and minimal make up). Although my wardrobe is not one to be envied, let me tell you what makes no sense to me...those big fuzzy UGG boots and miniskirts. Please tell me, specifically, on what part of Earth, that your feet, ankles & the better part of your calf are freezing, but from your knees to your buttcheeks is just a little toasty? Do these girls know how ridiculous they look? What is cute about looking like you have cankles? I have had them during all 3 pregnancies...THEY ARE NOT CUTE!
- Okay, another fashion faux pas in my book. The muffin top. You know what I am talkin' about. It is the phenomenon that occurs when one wears pants that are too tight in the waist in combo with a shirt that is too tight as well. Again, not cute & I have one myself (muffin top that is)...but I don't go parading myself around in clothes that belong in the "junior miss" department. Buy clothes that fit ladies! Close your eyes when you look in the label & deal with it!
- Last but certainly not least...this is one of my favorites & I know that some of you are guilty. Here is the scene...woman walks up to the fast food counter..."Hi there...UM, yeah, give me just a sec...okay, I'll take a Double Chubby's Cheeseburger Combo, please. Oh, and can you supersize that? To drink? Oh yeah, a diet coke. Seriously, a diet coke? You can't possibly like the taste of it...although, I do have a theory that diet coke actually is addictive. I mean, have you ever heard of someone that limits themself to 1 diet coke a day? I haven't. If they drink one, they drink 6 or 7. Only diet coke...HMMMM....
Well, know that you know what wanders aimlessly through my mind during the day, what are some of your weird observations? I am always looking for new things to poke fun at all day long...it keeps it interesting. Also, did you know that....flies take off backwards and poop on you every time they land, noone can sneeze with their eyes open, you can acutally become intoxicated from drinking too much water, if you put a piece of garlic between your toes, you will taste it in less than 30 minutes, you can't tickle yourself, the average person eats 8 spiders while sleeping during their lifetime, women blink nearly twice as much as men, only female mosquitoes bite, almonds are part of the peach family and the dot over the letter "i" is called a "tittle"...hee hee, I said tittle.
Have a blessed day & hey, while your at it, have a Big Mac & a Diet Coke for me...and pull up your pants, your muffin is hanging out!